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Wednesday, July 30th, 2003
3:03 pm - Thankful for Nikky ...
(okay, I'm nearly crying because I wrote a wonderful post and then lost it -- my own fault, I admit -- but it's so frustrating!)

I got an email from Nikky today, and it made me feel so warm and happy, I just had to share. I hope I can recreate what I was writing originally (before I was interrupted by an awful call from a friend who just went back on chemotherapy), although I know it's nearly impossible.

I know we all can be self-centered sometimes. I'm certainly a great example of that. Recently it's been all about me and less about my friends and the rest of the world. It's wonderful when someone just reaches out and says it's okay to put yourself first and give yourself a break sometimes. I know we all deserve one, but sometimes it's hard to remember. So, thank you, Nikky, for reminding me.

I love how unexpected Nikky is. How does he know when I need one of his wonderful emails or one of his beautiful icons? It's like magic!

I'm so lucky to know a person as giving as Nikky. He just has so much to give, like his advice and his experience. He's so generous with his knowledge and his know-how, and he shares nearly every day with people at his LJ communities. Mostly he's generous with himself, with his emotions and his opinions and his passions.

He's become a wonderful icon-maker, for instance, and he's always open to helping others (like me!) learn his tricks. (Which reminds me that I could use some new icons pretty soon ...)

He was the same way with fic-writing. I think he was never appreciated as much as he deserved for all his fabulous feedback and efforts to help others improve (for what that's worth ...).

His zest ... his zeal ... his childlike appreciation for things. There are so many things that bring so much color to my world when Nikky's in it. And when I don't hear from him or read something he's written, I notice it more by the lack of that color than anything else. "He's conspicuous by his absence." He's missed. And then, when I do hear from him or read his LJ, I'm struck by all that color flowing back in!

I'm not saying this as well as I did the first time, of course. I really wanted to capture the sense of gratitude and well-being I have that by some happy on-line accident I happened to get to know and later love such a special human being.

I hope Nikky goes on sharing himself with as many people as possible forever. I hope I have him in my life in some capacity forever, as well ... but even if I don't, I'd like to think of him just as he is ... smart, serious, silly, goofy, emotional and caring ... and unafraid of revealing all these sides of himself and many more.

I couldn't think of a better way of sharing my feelings about such a special person than by doing it here in front of my LJ friends. For those of you who don't have him as a friend (if there are any on my list), you should add him: nk_seashore And get to know him better. You'll never be sorry.

current mood: happy

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Tuesday, July 29th, 2003
10:40 am - Oh my gosh, Carrie's back!
Wow, I haven’t written in this thing in months! Not sure why, really, but it just didn’t fit in. The year 2003 has been a memorable one, too darn serious, too reflective ... I’m ready to get back to some fun!

First, there was the 20th anniversary of my parents’ death. It sent me into a tailspin ... then the old boyfriend thing, which started out as a distraction ... and now I’m less than a month from having the trust fund dissolved!

Yeah, I’ll receive my Master’s Degree on Howie D’s birthday – August 22! He’ll turn 30, and I’ll officially be an “heiress” (I guess). And now I’ll have to deal directly with an accountant and a lawyer, instead of Pommy being my official guardian.

I guess it’s about time ...

I don’t plan to change a thing ... I’m going to continue to live the same way and invest the same way. And I’ll probably get a full time job at the first of next year, but I’m still vacillating.

I’m not sure I’m ready to be a real “adult” at this point. I’m not even sure I know what that means.

When I got the chance to meet Mistress Marilyn a couple weeks ago, we talked about this. She doesn’t feel she’s ever really become what people think of as “adult.” But she works constantly and is very responsible for herself and for her sister Charlie. She doesn’t think working defines adulthood, any more than having children does or owning property.

I guess it’s a mystery to me, too. I want to stay young at heart ... like she is, like Nikky is, like I’ve always been.

It was wonderful to meet Marilyn, by the way, even though it was a short visit. She was in Delray Beach at a conference, and she didn’t have a lot of free time. She’s just like I thought she’d be, smart and fun. And very young ... especially for her age.

I have so many people I want to add to my friends list. Nikky’s turned me on to a lot of new folks at LJ, and I feel so out of it.

Well, let me shout out to all my pals in the LJ world ... I hope your lives are going well and your summers are full of sun! Can’t wait to catch up.

current mood: indescribable

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Thursday, April 17th, 2003
12:12 pm - Dr. Atkins is dead!
I'm just sick right now, hearing that Dr. Atkins died of a head injury. I feel this is a real loss to nutrition and medicine ... and it makes me very sorry that he won't live to see the world acknowledge how right he is.

In the meantime, I'd give anything for a nice big milkshake! (Sorry, Doc.)

Just had to post this.

current mood: sad

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Sunday, March 16th, 2003
10:45 am - Run day wishes ...
Leave it to me to procrastinate and not get this up here sooner!

I just wanted to dash off a quick entry and wish my training buddy Mistress Marilyn good luck on her race today!

I hope it's not too cold ... and that you * don't * have rain during your run.

Honest, you've been in my thoughts all week long. I kept meaning to write in here, but hope you got my encouraging email.

Best of luck!

current mood: encouraging

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Monday, February 24th, 2003
3:12 pm - Food and exercise, exercise and food ...
Okay, I’m a bit stiff today. My quads are somewhat sore, and my hamstrings and gluts are a bit stiff (maybe they’ll turn sore later). I’m drinking water, and I wrote out a run schedule for the next several weeks, just to see what it looks like on paper.

I had some beef jerky and meatballs for lunch, as well as some cheese. Since Mistress Marilyn is also on the Atkins diet, this whole thing works so well for us! I was on an absolute carbo binge this weekend, eating raisinettes, popcorn and crackers on top of the meat and cheese thing ... I also had a couple glasses of merlot last night ... the diet is much more challenging than the exercise for me!

Wonder how other people are doing on their respective eating plans. Deb was dropping some weight on an unspecified plan ... same with FatJoey (who might end up in danger of having to change his name). Mary from RC Friends had also lost weight in the past few months.

I really don’t want to lose any weight – just get rock hard and be very fit. If I want to continue modeling, I can’t get too muscular ... but I’d like to go for some really defined abs and arms without being bulky ... the protein is what helps with all that, since you don’t retain all the water that carbs cling to.

I’m well aware that Fat Tuesday is just one week away! Since I know it’s looming, I feel like I can continue to eat up the red vines and raisinettes in the next week or so.

Anyway, time to get another glass of water and finish a paper that’s due tomorrow.

(btw, Pommy’s cold is better, and I’m very relieved! She was back on the golf course this morning.)

current mood: sore

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Sunday, February 23rd, 2003
2:36 pm - Did it!
Made my ten miles! And I just got an email from Mistress Marilyn that she made hers, too. Sounds like it was pretty cold during her run ... that wasn't a problem for me. We had very different times ... she was pretty disgusted with hers ... but for both of us it was the first ten-mile run of our lives!

Very exciting! They say if you can run ten miles, you can run the 13 necessary for the half-marathon. But I don't think I could have done it today!

So, quick slash list update:

Last night network TV had one of the all-time slash movies, 'The Fugitive.' Anybody who *doesn't* see the pairing of Sam Gerard and Dr. Kimble is just blind! That scene at the end in the car, with Gerard putting the ice-bag on Kimble's hands and putting his arm up around him ... ohmygosh, it's classic! And he's calling him "Richard" and doing that cute smile and "Don't tell anybody" thing ... which has a lot of meaning for me. The next scene definitely would have taken place in a bedroom.

And then I watched one of my 'cult classics' on cable, 'Revenge.' Oh, yeah, this has a ton of slash. First of all, the father/son slashy pairing of Jay Cochran (Kevin Costner) and Tiberone Mendez (Anthony Quinn). Mendez loves Cochran so much, he gives him every chance to get out of the mess he's in. But Cochran has to have Tibby's wife, because he's too 'straight' to go for Mendez. Then later, after the first act of revenge takes place, Cochran hooks up with one of my fave hot characters, Amador (Miguel Ferrer). Ohmygod, there are just sparks between these two. And Cochran is now ten times hotter, with a great scar on his face and a constant grim look.

The great scene where Tibby and Jay finally make up should have ended in bed.

Anyway, that's a quick update.

Meeting friends in a few secs ... gotta jet as Czar Nikky would say! (Welcome back to Evamaria, who is all over LJ today. Yes, you'll love 'The Persian Boy.' It's just too, too good! Reminds me that Leo should get back to that Howie love/sex journal!)

current mood: accomplished

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Friday, February 21st, 2003
3:24 pm - Just Carrie stuff --
Pommy has a little cold, and I’m trying not to obsess about it. She certainly isn’t ‘elderly’ by my take on that term, but I can’t help worrying about complications whenever she gets the least bit sick. I guess this comes from really having no other family but her (and an aunt, uncle and cousin, that is). When you lose your parents at a young age, maybe you’re just afraid of the thought of losing someone else.

I have to admit I don’t think that much about it, really. I was lucky to be raised by my grandmother, and we’re wonderful friends more than anything. Sometimes I don’t tell her enough how much I love and appreciate her ... for that matter, do any of us tell each other enough?

Anyway, I’ve been fortunate to avoid ‘bugs’ this season (I mean the kind that make you sick). It’s easier here in Florida, because it’s not freezing cold ... but the air conditioning can sometimes breed germs and spread them. And all the tourists bring their germs with them. The flu season is the flu season, whether you live in Kansas or Hawaii!

Wow, Nikky was Czar Spammer yesterday! Plus he wrote a fic! He must have had some sort of inspiration, since he’s been a Sims hermit for the past week or so ... and he’s totally outdone me on the slash lists. I gotta think up some really good ones in the next few days!

Nikky also took the time to make my Trista/Tristan icon (thank you, baby!). He worked hard on it, but I’m pretty disappointed with the Tristan photos. Oh, well. He may tweak it or go black & white.

Ran for an hour last night. Taking tonight off, doing upper body on Saturday, then getting up early Sunday and hitting the trail. If I’m going to do an early morning race, I better start training in the early morning! (ugh ugh ugh)

Got a surprise email from Mistress Marilyn about the half-marathon! She’s hoping to do one herself around her birthday (first part of April). She wants to be long-distance training buddies. How great! She’s agreed to get up Sunday morning, as well. Since we have a couple time zones between us, I’ll be done before she starts, probably ... but we’re going to encourage each other. (what fun!)

“Are You Hot?” just rocked last night! (why do I love that show ... nobody else seems to) I had a few friends who tried out but didn’t make it. No, I’m not ‘hot’ enough for that show (and like I pointed out somewhere, my upper legs don’t touch in the center and that’s evidently a no-no.) But I just really admire these people with the guts to get up there. And they are physically beautiful. The guys seem more so than the girls, at least last night. But I loved Wendy, the natural cowgirl ... she was much more like me, rather than the big-busted blondes.

That’s all the time I have. Didn’t bring a lunch today, so I’m starving now (after a scone and a latte). And I could use a nap, since I ran around midnight last night. But overall I’m feeling good and motivated ... and even a little ‘hot’!

current mood: hungry

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Thursday, February 20th, 2003
4:51 pm - Trista ...
Okay, I’m just a big sap ... I’m not afraid to admit it. I watched every second of the final ‘Bachelorette’ and I even cried ... Ryan would have been devastated if she hadn’t selected him. So even though I don’t really see Ryan and Trista together, I was glad she chose him. And Charlie will be okay.

Hey, what about Charlie and Ryan together? Is there any slash potential there? (I don’t think I see it.)

Yikes, I’m sore today, evidently from the gym the day before. How could I be that out of shape already? One week away from ab exercises, and they’re just screaming today!

Funny that Nikky and I crossed our posts yesterday ... I love it when things like that happen.

Slash couples:

Denis and Barclay from ‘Out of Africa.’ Was there something going on with them before Barclay hooked up with the native woman? Seems like there could have been (at least in my imagination).

Kevin & Carson (on TRL this week). Can’t figure who’d be the bottom here, but why not go for it anyway? I caught at least one leer Kevin threw Britney’s way, but he’s only human.

Enough of that already. I have to mention Brian Littrell’s birthday. And now I have to rush off (and get back to work).

current mood: busy

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Wednesday, February 19th, 2003
7:15 pm - It's getting warm in here ...
Poor, poor Nikky! I’m so sorry for him.

I’ll try not to mention that it was 80 degrees here today, because I know how he and his family have suffered in the horrible cold. (Have I ever mentioned that I hate snow, except in a photo or movie or something ... as long as it’s not really touching me in any way, and even then it can make me shiver in a bad way.)

Anyway, it was nice to be Nikky’s LJ Valentine, but it was frustrating to have somebody else choose me – and the stupid announcement doesn’t say who! So, I had a mystery valentine, and I have no idea how to find out who it is ... if whoever it is happens to read this, please let me know! It’s so flattering and fun, but what a flaw that the stupid thing doesn’t even let you know who chose you!

Tomorrow is Brian Littrell’s birthday. (He’s really 28?!) Hmmm ... “Backstreet Men” doesn’t really ring my bell ... I’m glad most guys stay “boys” their whole lives! I put a couple announcements at the lists, hoping someone would unveil a new fic tomorrow. But unless JamesR stays up all night tonight, it probably won’t happen!

Just thought I’d mention, I have two weeks left of gorging on the sweets. After Fat Tuesday (March 4 for you non-Catholics), I plan on giving up desserts, ice cream, candy and other major treats through Easter. It’s the only way I’ll ever get really serious about Dr. Atkins’ plan! (btw, alcohol does not count as a “sweet,” regardless of the sugar or carbs)

So, can I be ready to do a half-marathon by April? That’s a long way to run ... (don't laugh, Nikky!)

Nikky, where are you? Holed up with a game of Sims? Have you invented a ‘Carrie’ yet? Are you staying warm? Email me immediately and let me know you’re okay! I’m listening to Nick Carter and sipping some wine – decided to skip the run and just veg. It’s going down to a chilly 65 degrees tonight, so I gotta stay bundled up!

Before I get any more annoying, I better sign off!

current mood: ditzy

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Tuesday, January 28th, 2003
12:00 am - Happy Birthday, Czar Nikky!
Been waiting to post this, so it better work this time--been having trouble with LJ and my internet connection today!



Hope you have a fabulous day! Wish you were here!

And here's what we'd do if you were here: We'd drive to Key West, have a burger and a beer and let the wind blow our hair like crazy and see if we could get it tangled together ... we'd play Journey and Nick Carter all the way and have a big Slurpee ... we'd buy three pairs of sunglasses apiece and keep trading them off to see if one another would notice (I'd probably win this game, too) ... we'd see how many parts of our bodies could touch without sex becoming an issue (I believe I could use a toe on the back of your neck and drive you wild, but I'd like to test that) ... we'd really find out who can hit the highest note (singing, I mean) ... we'd have the creamiest cheesecake in south Florida (sorry, Dr. Atkins!) ... I'd teach you to appreciate a good Lemon Drop (it doesn't have to be so sticky) ... if the Lemon Drops were sticky, I'd promise to wash your fingers and face for you ... I would never put a sticky finger in your hair, believe me!

Well, I could go on and on. And I don't feel comfortable saying a whole lot more. I'd love to be spending this day with you, but since I can't, I can imagine a lot of fun stuff to do. (And I'll send you more in a private email later!)

In the meantime, hope your present arrives today (it better!).

Have a wonderful birthday--you deserve it!

I love you!

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Sunday, January 26th, 2003
7:57 pm - Slash coupling--
Czar Nikky and I have this game we're playing. Everything we watch on TV (within reason), we come up with our most likely slash pairing ... and then we try to convince each other (at varying degrees of success, lol).

So this is really giving me a workout, because I see so much stuff during a week. I've been just emailing this stuff to Nikky, but why not put it up in my LJ? Gives me something to write about!

So here are some of the pairings from this week:

'Signs': This is a classic incest pairing. The brothers are so together in my mind. They are definitely one another's s.o.s ... but how they make the leap from partners to lovers might be an interesting story. Nikky and I have had at least one really good IM session over this one.

'American Idol': No, I can't put Simon and Randy together. So I'll just have to make a leap and refer back to the old Simon/Justin G. pairing or my Simon/R.J. Helton story (no, I never finished it).

'The Razor's Edge': I finally saw this movie (from 1946 -- not AC/DC music or the Bill Murray remake), and now I guess I'm going to have to read the book (by Somerset Maugham). I found the movie hard to sit through, honestly. (Slight digression: Why did the gorgeous Gene Tierney always end up playing a bitch?) Anyway, I guess when Larry Darrell (Tyrone Power) was hypnotizing the weak Gray (John Payne) to get over his migraines, the latter fell in love with him. The sad part is, the perfect Larry was too gentlemanly and esoteric to take advantage of the situation. So, it's kind of a slash crash.

'Star Search': The Carter Boys, of course! They start out with a disagreement over one of the contestants, Nick starts to pound on Aaron, and they end up in flagrante delicto, as often happens.

'The First Olympics': Don't know this mini-series? It was a great one, and they often repeat it on the 'True' movie network. And of course, it's a great show for us David Caruso fanatics, because he was a very young hottie in this. The definite stand-out slash pairing is between his character, the scrappy Irishman Jamie who is a champion jumper, and the upper-crust Skip (Alex Hyde-White), a middle-distance runner. When Skip brings the bottle of ouzo to Jamie's room the night before one of his race finals, you have to wonder if it was a hurt leg that really caused Skip to limp through the race and end up settling for the silver medal! Then, when Jamie rides a bicycle and recites poetry while Skip struggles through the marathon and finally collapses -- and Jamie ends up holding him on the ground -- you have to expect the next scene to take place in bed.

'CSI': This week's repeat was the one about the murderous-but-hot Brad Pitt type who took the CSI team to court to fight their evidence. My slash pairing would be Warrick and Nick. They had to comfort each other after their disastrous courtroom appearances ... maybe they got drunk and ended up in bed. Or, you could argue for some fem-slash here with Sara and Catherine doing the same. Wait ... the best scenario would be: Grissom takes Warrick and Nick out to reassure them and ends up directing a sex scene between them!

'Lord of the Rings' (the first one): Aragorn and Boromir, of course. This is a classic slash pairing in my book ... I just love it, especially when Boromir dies (tragedy makes for great slash).

I missed 'CSI: Miami' and 'Without a Trace' this week (thank God). And 'Law & Order: SVU.'

'Mothman Prophecy': Saw this on cable, and I'm reaching here. I guess the Richard Gere character (don't know his name and don't care enough to look it up) and his partner at work (played by the bartender with one ball on Sex & the City) could comfort one another. But it seemed like try as hard as the little guy did, he could never get Gere to party with him (or do anything much). It's a stretch. More likely Gere would climb into bed with the weird dude (played by Will Patton) who saw and talked to the Mothman. (Speaking of this movie, can somebody out there explain the weird name the Mothman used for himself? I kept waiting for an explanation of this.)

Digression regarding 'Mothman Prophecies': Well, I was glad I already knew the story of what happened in Point Pleasant (back in the 60s, actually), because it helped me understand the movie. This was definitely no 'Signs'!

I guess that's about it for this week. I'm probably forgetting some great slash pairings, but I need to go gather up my dry cleaning (which I do every two or three months).

Just IMed with Nikky and he's in a pretty interesting mood today. There's a lot going on with him lately, and it just reminds me what a very special person he is and how lucky I am to be close to him. I told him I was finally posting this, so I better get to it.

(Hey, even Miami has been cold this week! I'm going to lodge an official winter protest!)

current mood: amused

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Friday, January 10th, 2003
2:00 am - Here we go again trying to post!
I've been trying to post either a comment or an entry all day, and the "database (has been) unavailable." Aaaarrggh! Very annoying when you're doing it from work and have very little time.

I could barely get in the system all day, and when I did, it wouldn't let me post anything. So, here it is the middle of the night (and I just watched the last chapter of the Henry VIII story on the History Channel), so I might as well give it a try.

Got the 'Signs' DVD yesterday (along with a free bottle of Coke--go figure)! I watched the deleted scenes and extra stuff last night. There was one deleted scene that was really wonderful, with an alien trying to get in through the attic and Merrill holding it shut until his brother gets a shelf to prop it closed. Then they have a fascinating talk before they go into the basement about a time when they were kids and Graham accidently dislocated Merrill's arm.

I just love that movie. I find it more and more fascinating from a philosophical standpoint. It's really brilliant. It can certainly take some getting used to, because I remember when I first started watching it, I was a little put off. I couldn't figure out what was really going on from the standpoint of tone or p.o.v. But it takes hold.

It (was) in the low 70s today, really very comfortable (although hardly summery). It's actually supposed to rain this weekend or early next week. Still, I can't help thinking about all my friends in those wintery places. Hope you're all staying warm and dry!

Evamaria shirasade shared something very disturbing in her journal about JK Rowlings getting all worked up about Harry Potter slash. I tried to comment about it three different times, and the damn comment finally posted now.

I hate it when the real world notices slash. It can never be a good thing to have the world look too closely at what we like to read and write, because the world is too judgmental and the laws are made by conservatives and phonies who like to pretend to be perfect (and do their sinning in private). (Sorry, Nikky ... this was not a rank on all Republicans. This transcends politics or nationalities.)

Anyway, I hope this dies down instead of picking up steam. It could be a problem.

So, I hear it was Alex's birthday today (Thursday, although 'today' is now really Friday). Happy birthday to her! And I read at RCFriends that Charlie will be having her surgery. Best wishes to her for a relatively pain-free experience.

Well, even though I took a nap tonight, I'm going to be tired tomorrow if I don't head to bed. As Backstreet says in 'The Call,' gotta go!

current mood: sleepy

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Tuesday, January 7th, 2003
9:06 pm - Back to normal ...
Okay, I went on a carbohydrate binge last night. I was like a vacuum cleaner, hoovering up everything left in my place. Any bad thing I didn't eat (which wasn't much, believe me), I threw away. So hopefully now I won't be tempted.

(Dr. Atkins was on Larry King Live last night. Timing is everything.)

It's actually nice to be back on a schedule, even if I'm not used to it yet. Two weeks of vacation is about all I can take.

Did I ever mention that Nikky completed the requirements for his undergraduate degree? He'll probably get it in the spring, but it sounds like he's not planning on taking the walk. So we'll both get degrees at the same time (albeit in the mail)!

(naturally, I'm older and wiser ... and my degree will reflect that, lol!)

I should say congratulations to him in this journal for that accomplishment. I know he's taken time off to work and to travel ... and he's also crammed major hours in when he could. And I know how hard it is to both work and go to school, so I really admire people who do it (like Nikky has and Evamaria does). It takes a lot of mental energy and physical stamina!

So, 'Signs' is out today! I need to pick up the DVD after work. I'm so excited to have it. I love that movie! It's so unusual ... it really defies description. And the whole alien thing is so unimportant compared to the more fundamental story about faith and destiny. I love stories that find new ways to explore these concepts, and this movie really does. It's amazing. (And the DVD has new scenes and stuff on it!)

Yesterday was the anniversary of Nik's breakup with Deb, so he was pretty immersed in it. He's been re-reading lots of old emails and things recently, so I knew he was working up to it. I felt happy for him that he could get some of his feelings off his chest in LJ. It's not like feelings go away, especially love. And even if the pain isn't as intense, sometimes the questions remain. "What if?" is one of the questions burned into the human spirit. There's no changing that.

Anyway, it's a whole new year, and this one is starting out better than last year for Nikky. It seems like he's come so far, and he's someone always determined to continue to get farther and farther (as a human being). I'm lucky to know him at this point in his life (just as Deb and Mistress Marilyn and Kevin and others have been lucky to know him well in the past, if that makes any sense).

Grammy nominations came out today. It's sad not to have Backstreet nominated in any categories, but of course Eminem is up for best album and best single (not to mention in the rap category). Britney is up for best pop album! She doesn't have a chance in the world to win, but I thought it was great she got nominated.

I tried to watch and enjoy CSI:Miami last night. I really tried. Even without that woman on the show, I still find it much less accessible than the original CSI. And it's troublesome to me. Why is David Caruso so unappealing in the Horatio role? I'm just not sure. I'll keep trying, but I may give it up soon.

Well, I need to get some stuff done, so I'll sign off. I haven't heard from Nikky, so hope all is well with him and all my other LJ friends!

current mood: chipper

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Friday, January 3rd, 2003
11:16 pm - Politics and junk--
So I finally found this entry I made into word processing ages ago and never posted. Might as well go ahead and put it up.

Okay, so have I mentioned how the whole politics thing with Nikky drives me crazy sometimes? Well, I have to admit that it's kinda funny really ... you have to have a sense of humor about it, or it would drive you nuts.

But how can I be so close to this dyed-in-the-wool Republican? I mean, how can Nikky be such a liberal person and be a dyed-in-the-wool Republican? It's so funky.

So I wrote him this email and asked him how he felt about supporting an administration that had just decided to rape the forests and restrict the rights of homosexuals (not to mention endangering Roe vs. Wade). And he reminded me that it was the Democrat-controlled Congress that put Clarence Thomas on the Supreme Court. He seems to think that parties don't matter as much as I think.

Well, he's probably right. If there's one thing he knows (and there's far more than one thing), it's the political landscape.

Anyway, it works for Arnold Schwarznegger and Maria Shriver. And lots of other couples. But sometimes I get worked up, and I wonder how it can.

And this whole potential war with Iraq (did I say "potential"?) just freaks me out. It's such a crock.

Well, one of the things I love about Nikky is how smart he is and how much we can talk about things -- not just pop culture things. Sometimes when we don't agree, we have our best conversations.

But I can't help dig him every time something happens. Like Bush firing his economic advisors (as if that will do any good).

Oh, well. Enough of that! I've still got to do my treadmill run (and I had such a lousy run on Wednesday, so I'm procrastinating) and I've been fooling around for hours, emailing Nikky and commenting in LJ. This is the last weekend before I return to work and school, so I need to make the most of it.

Hello to all my new LJ friends! I've added so many recently, and it's really very cool.

current mood: lazy

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Thursday, January 2nd, 2003
2:16 pm - Just fooling around in LJ!
What fun! I have so many new friends at LJ now, and it's great to go and read their journals. I've spent much of today just commenting on other people's comments, which I usually don't do. Anyway, you can tell I'm still on vacation, because I'm really enjoying my leisure time right now.

Later I might tell about my New Year's Eve. (No, I didn't go to that Versace party, but I didn't hang around the convent either.)

So does anyone read these Lawrence Sanders books about a detective named Archie McNally? They aren't written by Sanders anymore (is he dead?), but the series goes on anyway.

I just got the latest paperback, and I'm about to start it. But before I do, I'm ready to be annoyed by all the things that annoy me about this guy. First of all, he never seems to really age, even though he's been pushing 40 for like eight or ten years. And he makes references to artists and pop culture from the 40s and 50s and 60s all the time, so he's either a complete geek or he's the product of reincarnation. (Yes, I know who Frank Sinatra was and the Rat Pack ... and I watch old movies with stars long dead so I've heard of Myrna Loy and Marilyn Monroe and Cary Grant, but I also often refer to Eminem or Nick Carter or Tom Cruise in my day-to-day musings.) If Archie McNally is 40 years old, it means he was born in 1961 or '62. So while he might remember growing up during the hippie years, Nixon and the Vietnam War, he's going to be more nostalgic about disco (can you be?) than swing.

What's with this Archie? (And who has the name Archie?)

So why do I read these books if they annoy me? First of all, it's the Florida setting. He often gets this so right. Secondly, the books are entertaining and often funny. There's something whimsical about this extremely old-fashioned guy solving modern-day mysteries while he tools around in his Miata. (Archie, time to get a new ride, bud!)

Anyway, I have a feeling these books are written for people far older than I am, who want to believe that the 'younger generation' could take after Archie and not Marshall Mathers. (Can you imagine a rapping detective, solving the disappearance of a debutante in Detroit?) But they're still clever books, and they always make me hungry. Whoever this guy is that writes for Sanders now, he keeps up the tradition of describing food and booze so your mouth just waters.

On second thought, maybe I better hold off starting this book until I finish that Atkins book!

current mood: goofy

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Wednesday, January 1st, 2003
11:59 pm - 2003 Goals
Happy New Year!

(Nikky, thanks for the wonderful new icon! I've got to use it right now!)

Here they are, my 2003 goals ... I refuse to call them "resolutions." There are some 'do mores,' some 'do lesses' and some 'keep doings.' Seems like self-improvement always comes from a little less of this, a little more of that and hopefully some maintenance of the status quo.

Anyway, here are a few:

Write more. (Try more fic, write more emails and write more in this journal or some other journal.)

Read more. (Be more well-read. Read something different. Finish reading more books ... not just magazine articles.)

Smile more. (Life's too short to be too serious.)

Love more. (Don't be afraid to show your feelings when it's appropriate.)

Keep running. (Don't give up when it gets too hard ... or too easy.)

Keep learning. (Even when the degree is done, don't stop studying.)

Keep working out. (Lifting is good ... maybe Pilates is next! This is aside from the whole running thing.)

Tan less. (This is the only skin I'll ever have, regardless of how tough it is.)

'Party' less. (When it comes to drugs and alcohol, that is ... not when it comes to dancing!)

Eat less carbohydrates. (Okay, it may seem like a trend, but I'm starting to believe it's the truth.)

Cuss less. (No, I'm not all that bad, but I could be better. It's ridiculous listening to all these beautiful 20-somethings sound so ghetto.)

I could go on and on, but this is a start. I'm thinking of investing in a Pilates machine, I'm going to try to eliminate the "f" word from my vocabulary for the rest of the week, and I just starting reading Dr. Atkins' Age-Defying Diet Revolution. (When I'm Mistress Marilyn's age, I want to be as young as she obviously is.)

Hopefully these goals will make me a somewhat better person, not just a better looking or feeling one. I guess I'm into the practical side of things, as opposed to the "be a nicer person" type of strategy. If you take better care of yourself, you're bound to be a more useful human being. And after all, you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. (This does not automatically translate into being selfish, which I definitely do not believe I am.)

So, on with 2003! I think I'm ready.

current mood: determined

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Tuesday, December 24th, 2002
2:04 pm - Ho, ho, ho!
Christmas Eve.

Gonna do the friend thing tonight, coffee with Suze and Jaime and Carole and a couple of their boys. (At least the boys being there will keep Suze from obsessing about her latest tale of smoking weed with Justin T. or whatever!) Probably holiday coffee with good stuff included, although not too much because I have to drive to Boca Raton to spend the night with Pommy. She looks forward to it so much, and Christmas Eve and Christmas morning are our favorite times. Tonight we'll have warm wine and Christmas carols, maybe watch some TV together, then tomorrow morning we'll have pancakes and jam, coffee and eggnog.

And by noon I'll be headed home and Pommy will be headed to the golf course to join her foursome for their annual Christmas nine holes (used to be 18).

There's nothing like the south Florida lifestyle. I feel sorry for all the people in the cold and rain (and snow, for that matter). I guess I wouldn't mind going to a snowy place for skiing and hot chocolate over the holidays, but I sure wouldn't want to drive in it and go to work and go shopping and all the other things you have to do. Blecccch.

I'm taking the Josh Groban CD/DVD Nikky sent me for Christmas along, because it has his version of "O Holy Night" on it. Wonderful.

Some time I need to do an entry all about Josh Groban and his music and how wonderful it feels to be touched all over while that amazing voice is singing love songs (in Italian, no less!). Wow. Thank you, Nikky, for giving me an appreciation for this talented man. Pommy is going to love him (because he's cute, too). And I'll take the DVD of Josh to show her on the DVD player I got her for her birthday. (It's good for her to keep up with technology! Yes, she has a computer, too.) I have a nice assortment of DVDs for her this Christmas ... if she ends up loving Josh, I'll get her that one, too.

I think I might take a nice long run on Christmas Day (when I get home), just to see how far along I am. Or a long nap, then a run. Or a long nap, then some IMing or talking on the phone. Maybe I'll forget the run altogether.

Decisions, decisions ...!

If only this holiday season weren't marred by the horrible prospect of more war, I'd be feeling especially Christmasy. But yesterday I was listening to my CD of NOW Christmas, and I cried during two songs! One was John Lennon's "Happy Christmas (War is Over)" and the other was "Do They Know it's Christmas?" by Band Aid (back when musicians were supposedly into causes for more than just self-promotion).

Yes, I'm a bleeding-heart liberal (and Nikky is laughing as he reads this), and I'm naïve about the world and the people in it sometimes. Or I'm just cynical about politics and the people in Washington (sorry, Nikky).

But war will just perpetuate the hatred that's already led to so many deaths. (And give the U.S. control of Saddam's oil, I guess.)

I'm just one of those saps who doesn’t understand how the death penalty can discourage murder or how war can end the threat of nuclear weapons. Call me crazy.

Well, I'm not going to get hung up on all that today. I lost my post about politics, which may be for the best (since Big Brother is watching us nowadays). No, I don't mind that Nikky and his family are dyed-in-the-wool (and I mean wool!) Republicans and work to support a government that makes me more nervous all the time. And if Nikky can reconcile his political affiliation with his liberal point of view about life in general, then I guess I can. I agree with him that the Democratic Party is a joke right now, and we don't have a viable candidate anyway.

What? Am I still talking politics!

It's Christmas Eve. At least we can pretend there's peace on earth today.

I hope all my LJ friends and the RCFriends and everyone else I know on line has a wonderful and safe holiday! (I hope Howie D. and his family have the same.) And in one of my next entries I'll post my New Year's wishes and plans.

Best wishes to all!

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Monday, December 23rd, 2002
7:09 pm - On vaca!
Wow, I've 'lost' at least one entry in this journal. Wrote it out somewhere and can't find it. Is it at work on my computer? Is it at school? Is it on a diskette somewhere? It's not here at home, so I guess I won't know for sure until I get back to school and work (which luckily is still two weeks away)!

Am I brain dead or something? It's like, I don't need to use all this brain power, so just turn it off! Let's give the grey matter a rest, I guess.

(Hi, Alex and Evamaria. Yes, I'm very into 'Lord of the Rings' myself right now. It's fun to be into something different.)

Which is one of the things I love about Nikky. He's so eclectic. He loves lots of different kinds of music and so many different books and movies and t.v. shows. There's nothing off limits with him, and when he doesn't like something, he lets you know. But it's always open for discussion.

And he's so damn well read. He can talk about so many different books, whether it's fiction or biography or a writing manual. It reminds me all the time how I need to read more. I rely waaay too much on the boob tube and the computer to get my information about the world.

Sorry to hear Evamaria is still feeling sick. I'm so lucky to be healthy as a horse, with nothing but an occasional headache or cramps during that time of the month. (Knocking on wood here.) I've had a surprisingly healthy 'winter' (it really helps to be in south Florida, believe me), and I didn't even catch anything when all the people in my office were sniffling and snorting.

Instead, I've been working out more than I have all year. I'm now into my sixth week of treadmill work. I've dropped a couple pounds (which is a big deal for me) and I'm seeing some changes in my body. My legs are really getting thin and taut. (very cool!)

In fact, I've been adding so much mileage to my running, I'm thinking of working up to a really long race in the spring or summer (or maybe autumn). I couldn't be ready to do the Disney World marathon by January (which is when I think it is), but who knows how far along I'll be in a few months. I'm really going to force the issue and see.

Subject change--

Well, if I suddenly decided to go to the New Year's celebration at the Versace mansion, it would cost $350 (unless I can find some tool willing to get me in for free or pay my way). No way do I want to party bad enough to pay that much, even one so high-profile and "exclusive." The best thing about it will be the 'costumes' ...er... dresses the women will wear. Anyway, I think I'll spend a quiet New Year's for the first time in years. It will do me some good.

I think I'll actually get this posted and then do my laundry. At least I'll have accomplished something. Hello to all and merry Christmas (if I don't get back to this LJ before Wednesday)!

current mood: ditzy

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Saturday, December 7th, 2002
10:52 pm - Yeah, I'm still around ...
Life remains as hectic as ever. When will it ever slow down? (Never! Well … actually, it will slow down pretty soon.) This is a great time of year when it comes to the social side of life, but when you're rushing to get everything else done, it's hard to find the time. Next week is finals, but I only have one to do -- and it's a paper I'm almost finished with and a presentation that will be a breeze.

Then I have until January 6 until classes begin again. The great thing is, if things work out, I should be finished with classes after that -- I'll just need to get the rest of my stuff turned in to finish the degree (unless they make me do another summer teaching stint).

And my job is off from the 23rd until the 6th -- so I'll have a couple weeks vacation! What will I do with all that time? Seems like an incredible break after the past few months.

I started to write this two days ago and never got it posted! I'm hopeless …

Poor Nikky in all that cold and snow. I know he hates it. He sounded so bummed when I talked to him last night. Have I mentioned lately that I love Florida?

I feel so completely out of it on line. I haven't kept up the journal, and Nik is really the only person I stay in touch with at this point. And often we talk on the phone, now, so I don't even know if he counts anymore (as 'on line' I mean).

Anyway, it was Charlie (from RCFriends) birthday this week. Happy birthday to her! And it was Britney Spears' 21st birthday on Monday. And today is Aaron Carter's birthday (is he 15 now?!). Anyway, Nikky mentioned that. I miss the celebrity journals, which nobody seems to keep up on now.

Maybe I can write more on the lists and in this journal (and even fic??!!) during my break. We'll see. Carrie the Party Girl may re-emerge. Anything could happen.

Let's see. What else? I love Christina's 'Beautiful.' Great message song for young women (I hope they're listening). I really like J-Lo's cd (surprisingly good). Justin's new video is freaky. He needs a shrink, I think. The song's okay.

New icon from Nik! (hot) Thanks, guy!

Better get this posted before I get distracted again! Off I go.

current mood: hopeful

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Tuesday, November 19th, 2002
4:15 pm - Who Needs the World?
Listening to this Nick Carter song makes me think of being in Key West when Nikky visited. He wanted so much to go to the Keys (he just loves Key West!), so we went ahead and drove down, even though Isidore was maybe becoming a hurricane and heading for Cuba. (If you worry about every tropical depression around Florida, you'd never go out of your house!)

When we were there, we did get hit with big rain a couple times, those storms that just seem like they'll wash the place away, then disappear and sun just materializes. It's something about Florida that I just love, and it made for a wonderful day and a half in Key West.

I stare at your face
Into your eyes
Outside there's so much passing us by

All of the sounds
All of the sights
Over the earth and under the sky

Too much cold and too much rain
Too much heartache to explain

Who needs the world when I've got you--
Switched off the sun the stars and the moon
I've all I need inside of this room
Who needs the world when I got you?


We'd get really hungry and want to get something, but it would be pouring and windy. So we'd go out anyway, get blown and soaked, and then just laugh and laugh about it.

It was so cozy when it was stormy, we almost wished for more. We listened to Milennium and Black & Blue and Journey. We drank wine. We talked about everything, like literature and politics and fanfic. We even danced -- alone in our room!

I walk on the street
Talk in the dark
I see people--strangers--fallin' apart
I open my arms, try to be true ...
Seems like my only truth is you

Am I wrong or am I right?
All I want is you tonight

Who needs the world when I've got you--
Switched off the sun the stars and the moon
I've all I need inside of this room
Who needs the world when I've got you

Who needs the stars so bright--
and the grass so green
and the mornin' light?
Who needs the wind to blow--
and the tide to rise
Who needs it?
I don't know--
I don't know!


It was so wonderful and romantic and even beyond romance. It was almost spiritual, if that makes sense. It was something I'll never forget.

And the minute I heard this song (the final track on Nick's cd), I just got this huge memory of that time in Key West passing over me. Everybody should experience that time with another human being where you feel like you don't need anything else ... and it doesn't matter if it pours down rain or if the wind blows. All we needed was the time in that room to get to know one another. And it was like we had already known each other our whole lives!

(And so now my favorite fanfic is his vampire story set in Key West. I just wish he'd write a Nick/Howie story set there ... hint, hint.)

Anyway, this afternoon I was listening to that song as I drove home, and I just had to write about it here. I don't really want to put too many specific details ... just capture the overall feel of it.

Whatever happens from here on out with Nikky, nothing will change that time in Key West! Which is a very lovely thought.

current mood: happy

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